Timeless

2023

Emily knew it was happening again. She could just tell. There was always a moment that everything just clicked, and she remembered. But somehow it was different this time. It wasn’t all at once. The memories were gradual this time. Flashbacks and echoes. A flicker of a thought or a half-forgotten dream.  

It had always been the same before. The same but different. Sometimes it was when their eyes met, sometimes when they first said ‘I love you’, a few times it had been just before they died. But their past lives always came flooding back at some point.

They always managed to find each other, wherever and whenever they were. They weren’t the same people either. Sometimes they were Edith and Agnes, Edwin and Andrew, Ernest and Alan, Eleanor and Amelia and dozens more. Always different but always the same. Destined to be together but torn apart by fate.

The memories were coming back slowly this time. All their past lives swirling round in Emily’s head. Normally, her other half triggered the memories, and they would both remember in the same moment. But Emily hadn’t met her this time round, not yet. So why were the memories coming back now?

1547

Elizabeth despaired. Alice’s parents had betrothed her to the nephew of one of their neighbours. Of course, they both knew they wouldn’t necessarily be able to avoid marriage forever, but they’d hoped they would have a little more time. Alice was only 18, Elizabeth barely a year older.  

Elizabeth had met Alice when they were children. Alice’s parents had purchased the land bordering Elizabeth’s family estate. Soon there was a country manor on the land, and it became the summer home for Alice’s family. Elizabeth had spent every summer with Alice for as long as she could remember. Eventually, their friendship turned to something more in their early teens. Elizabeth had been besotted with Alice for as long as she could remember, but she didn’t really understand what it meant until one sunny day in August, when Alice had brushed her lips against Elizabeth’s under the shade of an oak tree.

They had kept it a secret, knowing neither of their families would allow it. They had planned their lives together. When Alice turned 21, she was to receive a monthly stipend from a widowed aunt. Elizabeth would also receive an allowance from her parents. Together, they worked out that they would have enough to buy a small cottage within a year.

It was all planned out – they would live together as two spinsters, and no one would be any the wiser. Elizabeth had heard rumours of a Lord, unmarried but living with his ‘close friend’, an untitled man from town. Elizabeth had never seen them, they didn’t go out much, but she would rather live like that than spend a life apart from Alice.

But now? All those plans were floating away on a breeze. Alice would be engaged by next summer and married a year later. Elizabeth entertained the idea of running away with Alice and starting a life somewhere. But she knew it couldn’t happen. They had no resources and would likely be found before they got very far.

Alice had written that they couldn’t risk carrying on their relationship. What if they got found out? The engagement would be called off and Alice’s family would be publicly humiliated, she just couldn’t risk it. Alice had written that she would be visiting within the next few days. Officially it was to celebrate the news of her engagement, unofficially it was to say goodbye. Elizabeth and her family had been invited to the wedding, of course, but it wouldn’t be the same.

Two Years and Six Months Later

Today was the day. The day Elizabeth lost Alice forever. Alice’s wedding day. She had barely seen Alice since the betrothal was announced. Alice wrote often, talking of wedding preparations and what her husband-to-be was like. He was a true gentleman, apparently, but not very exciting. Elizabeth had met him a few times. She tried hard to dislike him, but there was nothing bad about him. His only crime was stealing the love of her life, and the worst part was he didn’t even know he’d done it. Elizabeth just couldn’t hate him for it, no matter how hard she tried.

It had been over two years and Elizabeth was still just as in love with Alice as she was the day they’d said goodbye. She had written love letters to Alice almost every single day, all of them unsent. Elizabeth couldn’t bear the pain of having them ignored, so she didn’t send them at all.

She had yet to see Alice, despite publicly being a close friend. The truth was she didn’t know if she would be able to handle seeing Alice without suggesting something crazy like running away together. She loved Alice too much to make her choose between a good, stable life, and an uncertain future with Elizabeth. She stayed with the rest of the guests in the public part of the house, entertaining and being a good hostess in place of Alice’s family.

“Elizabeth, could you inform the guests they need to begin taking their seats?”

Elizabeth nodded at Alice’s mother, hiding her pain behind a smile. She began ushering the guests out to the garden. Alice and her fiancé had chosen to hold the ceremony in the flower garden – thankfully nowhere near the oak tree Elizabeth and Alice shared their first kiss. Elizabeth took her seat in the front row next to her parents.

She felt both blessed and cursed to be sitting so close to the altar. She would have the perfect view of Alice in all her stunning radiance, which unfortunately meant she would see her looking at her new husband the way she used to look at Elizabeth.

She knew that look in Alice’s eye would haunt her for a lifetime.

Elizabeth felt a lasting shroud of melancholy envelop her as the violins began their melody. She knew it was too late to leave now. She was about to watch the love of her life marry another man and there was nothing she could do about it.

Alice’s fiancé was already stood at the altar with his brother. Elizabeth thought he looked nervous. The violins changed again. It was time. Alice was going to walk round the corner any second, escorted by her father, and Elizabeth would get her first glimpse of her bride-that-should’ve-been.

For a moment, Elizabeth stopped breathing as her love for Alice crashed through her. Alice was a vision in lavender and white. The dress was a beautiful lavender silk embroidered with delicate white flowers. Elizabeth’s eyes travelled upwards, taking in the minute details of the dress. The silk wrapped beautifully around Alice. Elizabeth’s heart beat only with the love she held for the woman in front of her. Alice held a small bouquet of white roses, candytufts, and a pink flower Elizabeth didn’t know. Elizabeth noticed the slight tremble in Alice’s hands as she clutched the bouquet tightly.

Elizabeth’s eyes travelled, skipping over Alice’s face – she couldn’t bear to see what those green eyes held. Alice’s dark hair was woven with myrtles to match her dress and Elizabeth was momentarily thrown back into a childhood memory of tucking flowers behind each other’s ears in the sunlight.

Elizabeth felt like she was in a trance after that. She was aware of Alice and her fiancé at the altar, but their words sounded like they were underwater. Or maybe Elizabeth was the one underwater, drowning in missed opportunities. And then, silence.

Elizabeth and Alice locked eyes; a whole lifetime of feelings exchanged in just one glance.

“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

1944

February

Everett was worried, and who wouldn’t be? Arnold was being shipped out in two hours. He’d only received notice last week and was already being stolen by the war like countless other men.

Everett longed to go with Arnie, despite his negative view on the war, but his asthma meant he was illegible for now. Everett had no doubt that if the war continued for much longer, he would also be called up, regardless of his medical issue.

They were together in Washington Square Park, mingling with the other soldiers going off to fight in the war. It was an unofficial get together for the family and friends of the latest batch of soldiers being shipped out. Everett watched as wives and girlfriends said tearful goodbyes and wished he were them. He wanted to show off his love for Arnie instead of hiding it away. Instead of stealing secret moments in crowded rooms and sharing stolen kisses down alleyways. Everett wanted to kiss him in broad daylight, say ‘I love you’ without fear of people overhearing.

Their goodbye was stoic. A clasping of hands, a brief slap on the back, a catching of eyes that said everything they couldn’t voice. Everett went home alone. He lived in an apartment block in the West Village, not far from the park. He and Arnie had been neighbours, they still were according to anything official. They’d lived together for two years now, Everett’s apartment standing empty unless their friends needed a place to stay.

It was the uncertainty that got to Everett as he sat alone in their apartment. Not only did no-one know how much longer the war was going to last, but Everett also didn’t know where Arnie was going. Arnie wouldn’t even know until he got there. He could be stationed in the UK, where it was marginally safer, or he could be dropped right on the frontline. Arnie had promised to write when he could, but they weren’t sure when that would be.

 April

­Everett read the love letters every single night. Arnie was playing the pronoun game, pretending he was writing to a woman; in return Everett left his letters to Arnie unsigned. There weren’t many letters, Arnie couldn’t write often, but Everett cherished every letter he received. Everett thanked every deity he knew that Arnie had been stationed in the UK. He didn’t know where, Arnie wasn’t allowed to tell him, but at least he was away from the frontlines.

His latest letter was both hopeful and concerned. Arnie had written, saying something big was being planned. He didn’t know what it was, but there were whispers around the base that they would be moving soon for whatever it was.

My darling,

I miss you more and more every day. My world has been dark grey since I left you, it’s like I left all the colour behind in New York.

We’re in London right now. We’re leaving tomorrow, so by the time you get this we’ll be somewhere else. I don’t know where, they haven’t told us. There’s something different about this time, it feels like we’re waiting for something. I’ll write to you as soon as I’m there. I won’t be able to say where it is, I just want to let you know I’m safe.

I hope the war is over soon, I want to return home to you. I miss our friends, I miss New York, I miss our life together. I just wish this would end.  

All my love,

Your Arnie

Everett tried to go about his days as normally as possible. He went to work, made food, saw his friends, but it wasn’t the same. Panic and despair gripped him at the most random of times. Someone at work would casually mention something that reminded him of Arnie, and he wouldn’t be able to breathe. Or one of their friends would tell a story featuring Arnie and Everett would feel his chest tighten and his eyes sting.

Their friends had been a godsend. They were like him and Arnie. Everett could talk about how much he missed Arnie with them, get his feelings out in the open instead of letting his thoughts haunt him in the middle of the night. They understood; they, too, had partners and friends off fighting in the war. People they couldn’t talk about. People they weren’t allowed to talk about. It was incredible to have people around him who got it.

May

My darling,

I can’t tell you where we are, but just know that we arrived safely.

I’m exhausted all the time now. I hurt my ankle in training a few weeks ago, but the injury isn’t bad enough to send me home. But that might change if I carry on the way I have been.

Something feels different now. Spirits have lifted, despite everyone being so serious all the time. The war might finally be over soon. I hope so, at least. I can’t wait to return to you, my darling. Things are finally looking up.

This might be my last letter to you for a while. They’re putting the entire base into isolation. Nothing goes in or out apart from official correspondence. I don’t know how long for. But don’t worry, I’ll write as soon as I’m allowed to.

All my love,

Your Arnie

Everett clutched the letter to his chest. He had not stopped worrying about Arnie since he left, but this only made it worse. He never knew when he was getting a letter, sometimes it was once a month, sometimes once a week. A few times he even got two letters at once. But now he knew that there wouldn’t be another letter coming. Not for a while at least. And how long was a while? Three months? Six? A whole year?

6 June 1944

Everett sat bolt upright in bed. He tried to steady his breathing as he glanced at the clock on their bedside table. 

2am.

What had woken him up? The apartment was quiet. There was no noise outside. He hadn’t been having a nightmare.

After a few minutes he noticed a strange ache in his chest. Different to his asthma. An empty feeling, like he was missing something. As if his heart had cracked open his ribcage and simply walked away. Everett threw the covers off and began pacing. Headlights reflected off the windowpane as a lone car drove down the street.

Everett didn’t know how, but he suddenly knew Arnie was gone. He could feel it somehow. Tears leaked from his eyes. He stopped pacing. Everett sat on the floor, back against the bed and pulled the box from beneath it that contained all the letters from Arnie. Hidden beneath the letters was a ring. Everett knew they could never get married. But he could propose. He had planned it. The perfect evening as soon as Arnie came home from the war.

Everett clutched the ring in his hand and pressed his lips to it with a whisper.

“I’ll never forget you, as long as I live.”

2023

Emily wondered if she should go somewhere significant to their past lives and see if there was someone waiting on her. The problem was, they had lived so many lives together, it would be impossible to choose. Every single one was just as important as the next, so there was no singular place that stood out as somewhere to go.

She ducked into the local antique shop. Emily had never been here before, but now that she was remembering her past lives it felt like home. Being surrounded by things of past was helping her recall the memories more smoothly. She wandered between the shelves and displays, admiring the collection of artefacts.

There was a worn looking tea set that reminded her of the one she had in 1854, a musket just like the one Arthur had, a fragile looking wedding dress that threw her into memories of every single time one of them had found themselves getting married. Never both of them, and never to each other.

They had always found each other before, not that they’d always known it right away. Emily wondered if it would work the same this time round, or if she would be forever searching for someone who remembered the same things as her, but never being able to ask about it for fear of sounding crazy. Emily only knew two things; that her other half would be a woman this time round, and that her name would start with A. They were always E and A.

Emily continued walking round the shop, taking solace in the quiet atmosphere. She came across a display case full of jewellery. She could already tell this would be her favourite part of the shop. This antique shop had a wide selection of both men’s and women’s jewellery.

Emily skipped past the necklaces; she wasn’t really the type to wear them. She did, however, wear a lot of rings. She only intended to glance over the collection but one specific one caught her eye. It reminded her of one she had when she was Emma. She and Angela had exchanged matching rings before Emma’s parents married her off to a Lord. It looked exactly the same.

Emily picked it up, examining it in the sunlight. It was a delicate silver band embedded with three tiny stones. Emily could hardly believe she had found one so similar to something she had owned some 250 years ago. She and Angela had chosen the stones carefully. A blue sapphire to match Angela’s eyes, a green emerald to match her own eyes, and a blood red ruby in the centre to represent their love.

“Are you finding everything okay?”

Emily tore her eyes away from the ring to look at the girl standing next to her.

“Oh, um, yes. I was just looking at the rings.”

The girl smiled at her; Emily thought she looked very pretty.

“Cool. I can tell you a bit about them if you want. My name’s Lexie, by the way.”

“I’m Emily. I was just looking at this ring, I used to have one just like it…a long time ago.”

Lexie gestured to the ring.

“Do you mind?”

Emily handed it over. She doubted it was the same ring, but it would be interesting to hear if it was a replica or just a coincidence.

“This ring is from the 1700s, probably around the middle of the century but we don’t know for certain. It belonged to a Lady, but it was part of her own jewellery collection, not gifted to her by her Lord.”

“Alexandra? Can I borrow you for a minute?”

Emily glanced around at the voice coming from the back of the shop.

“That’s my mum, she owns the shop. Here, keep hold of the ring, I’ll be back.”

Emily took the ring. She turned it over in her hand. It definitely looked like her old ring. She wanted to check the inside of the band. When she and Angela had exchanged the rings, Angela had scratched a tiny X into the inside of the band, right over the ruby. Emily was almost scared to look. She herself had scratched a single line into Angela’s ring. Emily didn’t know what she would do if it was the one she had given to Angela. She couldn’t leave it here, but it wouldn’t be right to wear it either.

And there it was. X marks the spot.

Emily was aware of Lexie in her periphery.

“Do you have the matching ring?”

Lexie looked at her strangely.

“How did you know it’s part of a matching set?”

Emily quirked an eyebrow.

“Why didn’t you mention it?”

Lexie didn’t say anything. Except, her name wasn’t Lexie, Emily realised with a start, it was Alexandra.

“Do you have it? Please…”

Lexie held her hand out. And there it was. Sitting snugly on the first finger of her left hand, exactly where Angela had worn it.

“Do…do you remember?”

Emily had never been so scared and hopeful in this life.

She nodded. Emily felt like crying.

“How do we always find each other?”

Alexandra shrugged.

“You’re always gonna be mine. We’re timeless.”